On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
