After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
