is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
