Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
