So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
