I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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