I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
