no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
