It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
