forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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