I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
