i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
