someone get that fucking seahorse.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
