Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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