It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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