If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
