lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
