Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
