she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is the high leading the old right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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