Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
