when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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