see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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