I hate all girls vehemently.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
