i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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