I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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