Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
