somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
