I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
