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apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
