She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
