Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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