I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
