I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
