wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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