i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
