Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
