I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My cat gives me a boner
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
