if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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