Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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