im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
