just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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