My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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