exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
