So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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