Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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