mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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