how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
