i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
