my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
