Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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