that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
