Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
