I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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