So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
