I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
