idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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