I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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