Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
