Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
