Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
