She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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