So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
