when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
