Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
