I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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