you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its about making memories worth repressing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
