Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
smell my finger.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
