i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
