Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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