your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
