she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
