I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
