I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
