as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
