if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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