I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I could make wine with my vomit
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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