He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
