I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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