Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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