my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I take back everything I said about communal showers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
