what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And then my night got REAL pukey
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
