i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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