i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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