dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
