I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
